Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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