The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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