i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
