am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
