that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
