Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
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He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
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What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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