it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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