my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
