I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
