just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
