Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Im part way to drunk.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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