Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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