xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
