Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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