Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
4 words: hood of his car
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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