cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
