Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
