I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
