this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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