Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
barbara walters just said penis...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
