well most of my day revolves around power hour
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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