I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
