Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
