P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize