have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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