Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
