On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
