Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
