barbara walters just said penis...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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