you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
