OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
