I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
cat food counts as protein by the way
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
