I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Ketchup is God's man juice
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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