yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
