No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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