jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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