i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
