weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
