i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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