Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
