she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
