My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
