So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
