ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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