Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
third nipple confirmed
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
