Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
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My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
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If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year