My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.