I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.