I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves