Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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