It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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