standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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