I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
