I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
