Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
