Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
