there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
