If i come over, it means nothing
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
