I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
third nipple confirmed
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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