I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Threesome in a minivan. New low
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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