Nicole vs. Life
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
