and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
