after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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