I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
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she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
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Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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