it's too hot outside to masturbate.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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