I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
