Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
