Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
