Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
