capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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