That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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