So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
People in love make me want to vomit
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
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