what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
